The holidays can be a stressful time for a lot of people, and things get even more interesting when you add a significant other into the mix!
Figuring out what to do and who to celebrate with, while also making sure that you’re not disappointing anyone, can be difficult to navigate and there aren’t many resources or traditional “common sense” tips that can help you to make the decisions, considering everyone has a different family dynamic and their own traditions!
My boyfriend and I have been dating through six rounds of holiday celebrations, so I’ve found a few ways to compromise, plan, recreate and celebrate each year without getting myself too wound up.
Here are some tips that I’ve found to be helpful in my holiday celebration planning!
Make a plan together
Sit down with your partner and talk about each holiday and your own family traditions. This can be super helpful in figuring out if it’s important to you or them to spend a certain holiday with family or if there is some room for compromise and creativity.
It’s perfectly fine to celebrate separately, but once you’ve been together for a long time, it can be difficult leaving someone who you consider as part of your family during the holidays. Perhaps it would make sense to switch off spending every other year with each person’s family for a specific holiday and sometimes it could work out better to go it alone! If you’re lucky enough to live in the same area as your families, you may be able to show up and celebrate with both sides or have families all come together for specific occasions, but for many people who have to travel to see their loved ones, it can take some planning.
In my situation, my boyfriend’s Thanksgiving celebration is a big deal for his family. They gather about four and a half hours from our house, and while he goes every year because it’s important to him, I switch out one year with his family and one year with mine. For Christmas, his parents like to come to see us, so they have their own celebration at our apartment and I go to my parents’, and then we come together afterwards to celebrate as a conjoined family.
It’s important to have this talk and lay it all out so you don’t end up getting frustrated at your significant other for wanting to join in on your family celebrations or vice versa. Hearing both sides and making decisions that are best for you both will help to strengthen your relationships (both with each other and with family) and also can help to set expectations so others aren’t disappointed if they don’t show up.
To gift or not to gift
When it comes to the holidays and mixing families, the dreaded subject of gift giving comes up pretty quickly. Whether it’s your significant other’s mother asking what you’d like for Christmas and you have no clue what to say — What’s too much? What’s too little? Don’t want to insult her by saying nothing! Ah! — or you know that you’re going to see everyone on a certain family side at a gathering and aren’t sure who to buy for, this can definitely become a subject of some stress.
I think it’s safe to say that most millennials aren’t swimming in money so it’s pretty unrealistic to think that you’re expected to buy presents for your partner’s entire family, but making a gesture of appreciation and thanks doesn’t always have to cost money.
If you’re low on cash or not sure what to do, you could try a few things: asking someone who would know (I’ve definitely phoned my boyfriend’s mom and said do I need to get a present for so and so?), make cards for everyone who you think will be there with a little note of acknowledgement and well wishes, bring a dish to share at dinner or offer to help with cleanup after the meal.
Entering into someone else’s family can be slightly awkward and confusing, but by showing appreciation through your words, delicious food or a few kind gestures, you can let people know that you love, respect and enjoy your time spent together as a new family.
All else fails, make it your own!
It’s hard to know when and if it’s OK or “time” to celebrate the holidays on your own with the new family that you’ve established. Whether it’s you, your significant other and your dog, or you and some friends, if it’s more enjoyable, comfortable or convenient for you to have your own holiday celebrations separate from family, that’s totally fine!
Creating your own traditions while still trying to figure out how and what you’d like your life to become sometimes results in doing what you think that your family and friends expect of you. In the end, it’s okay to think of yourself in these situations and do what makes you happy and you shouldn’t feel bad about it!
The holidays are about celebrating love and friendship, feeling thankful and reflecting on the amazing parts of all of our lives. Creating memories and feeling happy and fulfilled come in many different forms and involve as many or as few people and plans as you’d like, so figure out what works for you and what makes the holidays special.
Do you have more tips on ways that you celebrate and mix holidays with your partner and your families? Comment below and let us know what your traditions are!
Here are some tips that I’ve found to be helpful in my holiday celebration planning!
Make a plan together
Sit down with your partner and talk about each holiday and your own family traditions. This can be super helpful in figuring out if it’s important to you or them to spend a certain holiday with family or if there is some room for compromise and creativity.
It’s perfectly fine to celebrate separately, but once you’ve been together for a long time, it can be difficult leaving someone who you consider as part of your family during the holidays. Perhaps it would make sense to switch off spending every other year with each person’s family for a specific holiday and sometimes it could work out better to go it alone! If you’re lucky enough to live in the same area as your families, you may be able to show up and celebrate with both sides or have families all come together for specific occasions, but for many people who have to travel to see their loved ones, it can take some planning.
In my situation, my boyfriend’s Thanksgiving celebration is a big deal for his family. They gather about four and a half hours from our house, and while he goes every year because it’s important to him, I switch out one year with his family and one year with mine. For Christmas, his parents like to come to see us, so they have their own celebration at our apartment and I go to my parents’, and then we come together afterwards to celebrate as a conjoined family.
It’s important to have this talk and lay it all out so you don’t end up getting frustrated at your significant other for wanting to join in on your family celebrations or vice versa. Hearing both sides and making decisions that are best for you both will help to strengthen your relationships (both with each other and with family) and also can help to set expectations so others aren’t disappointed if they don’t show up.
To gift or not to gift
When it comes to the holidays and mixing families, the dreaded subject of gift giving comes up pretty quickly. Whether it’s your significant other’s mother asking what you’d like for Christmas and you have no clue what to say — What’s too much? What’s too little? Don’t want to insult her by saying nothing! Ah! — or you know that you’re going to see everyone on a certain family side at a gathering and aren’t sure who to buy for, this can definitely become a subject of some stress.
I think it’s safe to say that most millennials aren’t swimming in money so it’s pretty unrealistic to think that you’re expected to buy presents for your partner’s entire family, but making a gesture of appreciation and thanks doesn’t always have to cost money.
If you’re low on cash or not sure what to do, you could try a few things: asking someone who would know (I’ve definitely phoned my boyfriend’s mom and said do I need to get a present for so and so?), make cards for everyone who you think will be there with a little note of acknowledgement and well wishes, bring a dish to share at dinner or offer to help with cleanup after the meal.
Entering into someone else’s family can be slightly awkward and confusing, but by showing appreciation through your words, delicious food or a few kind gestures, you can let people know that you love, respect and enjoy your time spent together as a new family.
All else fails, make it your own!
It’s hard to know when and if it’s OK or “time” to celebrate the holidays on your own with the new family that you’ve established. Whether it’s you, your significant other and your dog, or you and some friends, if it’s more enjoyable, comfortable or convenient for you to have your own holiday celebrations separate from family, that’s totally fine!
Creating your own traditions while still trying to figure out how and what you’d like your life to become sometimes results in doing what you think that your family and friends expect of you. In the end, it’s okay to think of yourself in these situations and do what makes you happy and you shouldn’t feel bad about it!
The holidays are about celebrating love and friendship, feeling thankful and reflecting on the amazing parts of all of our lives. Creating memories and feeling happy and fulfilled come in many different forms and involve as many or as few people and plans as you’d like, so figure out what works for you and what makes the holidays special.
Do you have more tips on ways that you celebrate and mix holidays with your partner and your families? Comment below and let us know what your traditions are!